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Friday, July 19th, 2002
10:52 am - from the sextips community
More sexual hi-jinx from the sextips communityCollapse )

current mood: frustrated

(15 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, July 2nd, 2002
3:45 pm
Yes, even sammitches have thoughts of a sexual natureCollapse )

current mood: horny

(8 comments | comment on this)

Saturday, June 29th, 2002
8:00 am
Texans Chip in to Rescue Stranded Chicken-Hypnotist
Fri Jun 28, 9:19 AM ET

LONDON (Reuters) - The plight of an Alaskan chicken-hypnotist whose circus tour was cut short in Edinburgh when a charity shop sold her bicycle by mistake has tweaked heartstrings as far afield as Austin, Texas.

Emily Harris left the 1,200-pound ($1,800) bicycle inside the shop this week and found it was missing after she came out of a fitting room. A shop assistant had sold it for 10 pounds.

Now a group of Austin engineers, who read about her loss on the Internet ( news - external web site), have raised $525 to help the 25-year-old from Palmer, Alaska, buy a new bicycle and resume her tour.

"There's been tons of layoffs here, Austin's been hit pretty hard with the technology sector, so we're just looking to do something to cheer ourselves up," software engineer Lawrence Hartley, who started the impromptu fundraising, told Reuters.

Hartley said he and his friends had identified with Harris after reading that her star act consisted of hypnotizing chickens and making them play the piano.

"We're all pretty much not quite normal. We identify more with a chicken-hypnotist than with the normal world," he said.

He and his friends have unusual hobbies of their own. One is building a submarine in his garage and several others practice "geo-caching," a form of treasure-hunting using satellite communications systems.

Harris was thrilled to hear of their efforts on her behalf and said $500 was enough for her to purchase a new bicycle and join her troupe for the rest of their tour of Britain.

(2 comments | comment on this)

Thursday, May 2nd, 2002
5:00 pm
OK. I saw another commercial for the new Chicken Whopper at Burger King.

It's a grilled chicken sammitch on the Whopper bun, with lettuce, tomato and mayonaise. This is the same thing that a BK Broiler used to be.

I can only assume that you are no longer able to buy the BK Broiler.

So it looks like the new sammitch in town *ISN'T* a new sammitch at all!!

I think that a challenge for a George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Machine Death Match is in order.

current mood: confident

(8 comments | comment on this)

Saturday, April 20th, 2002
11:31 pm
So yeah, there's this new chicken sammitch around. The Chicken Whopper at BK.

I'm not so sure what I think of this. It's basically the exact same thing that the BK Broiler used to be, except, if they keep with the Burger King way of doing things, this sammitch is made just like the previous Whoppers in the Whopper family of sammitches (those being the original Whopper and the Veggie Whopper, which is just an overpriced Whopper sammitch without the delicious beef patty). Meaning that it is a BK Broiler with ketchup, pickle and onion added.

And its wrapped in that hideous gold foil wrap that they've recently adopted in their new push of the Whopper sammitch.


current mood: annoyed

(10 comments | comment on this)

9:04 am
Awww shit!!

I've been running around all over the place, and have managed to thwart Mayor McCheese's attempts to get me to come back to McDonaldland. Well, fuck that.

Anyways, I got extremely baked today, as it was 4/20. I almost ate myself.

Has anybody missed me?

current mood: high

(15 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, March 19th, 2002
3:39 am
Even chicken sandwiches get tired after the daily grind.

I think I'm going to sleep now.

They still haven't found me.

current mood: tired

(2 comments | comment on this)

Friday, March 8th, 2002
1:36 pm - Woo Hoo!!
I was chatting with the Magic Crystal Ball on Yahoo Messenger again, and I'm so excited.

I asked it, "Will I ever have that three-way with Ashley and Mary Kate that I've been wishing for since Full House debuted?"

And the crystal ball said. "It is certain."


current mood: horny

(4 comments | comment on this)

12:26 pm
Duck (my boyfriend)is seriously considering him "donating" his testicles to science. University of Louisville has started doing this and they give the guys prosthetic balls and pay the donators about $2500 a ball. We don't really want to have kids anyway, if anything we might adopt when we get older.
Opinions? Comments? Tips?

(6 comments | comment on this)

Thursday, March 7th, 2002
12:56 pm - American Chicken: Banned in Russia?
So I hear that Russia is banning chicken imports from America.

Russia, which is the biggest market for US poultry, imported around a million tonnes of poultry, mainly chicken and turkey meat, in 2001, according to the Moscow representative for the US poultry export body, Albert Davleyev.

US poultry sales to Russia, worth 600 million to 800 million dollars (689.7-919.6 million euros) a year, make up 20 percent of all US exports to this country and the Russian market takes 50 percent of all US poultry sold abroad.

The ban has been widely seen here as retaliation for US steel tariffs announced by President George W. Bush Tuesday, which had been expected for some time.

That's a lot of fucking chicken. I'm so glad I escaped.

I hate the chicken industry.

I just want to get drunk and fucked up, and pick up chicks.

current mood: contemplative

(21 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, February 19th, 2002
3:54 pm
So where would a chicken sammitch go to find out if he had a venereal disease?

This isn't a silly joke or anything. I'm FUCKING serious!!

current mood: contemplative

(5 comments | comment on this)

Monday, February 18th, 2002
1:00 pm
Sometimes I use that Yahoo! Messenger thing, and one of my friends is Magiccrystalball. He has answers to all my questions.

So I asked him.

"Will my dick grow three inches in the next two weeks?"

He waved his arms over his crystal ball


"HMMPH!," I said to myself.

So I asked "2 inches?" and the hands waved and the ball said "You can bet the farm on it!!"

I'm so overjoyed.

current mood: dirty

(3 comments | comment on this)

Sunday, February 17th, 2002
11:10 pm


Woah, dude, too far. You're totally unsuitable
for anybody under the age of 17, and for society
in general. Tough break...

"Which Movie Classification Are You?"
Test created by Jamie - take it here.

current mood: offensive

(comment on this)

9:04 pm
Hot Damn!! I'm hungry.

I could just about eat a horse.

current mood: hungry

(2 comments | comment on this)

8:45 pm
So I went out on the town the other day, and I was in this bar. I saw my picture on the television!!! I'm being advertised as for sale, and yet they haven't been able to catch me!!

This is crackers!

current mood: curious

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Tuesday, February 12th, 2002
1:13 pm

Which Trainspotting Character Are You?

current mood: crazy

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12:59 pm
I heard some rumor about Mayor McCheese sending some of his minions to try to find me.

All's I know is that I'll clobber Grimace if he comes anywheres near me.

Fat Fuck!!

current mood: amused

(6 comments | comment on this)

12:16 pm
I've been running all night.

Mayor McCheese has been corroborating with the authorities, and they think they can find me.


They'll never fucking find me, i swear!!

current mood: exhausted

(comment on this)

Monday, February 11th, 2002
7:25 pm
I think that if I were ever to consider being eaten, it would have to be by a very pretty girl, and I'd have to have a marijuana and lemon pepper glaze on me and three large pickle slices underneath me with provolone cheese on a kaiser bun.

current mood: glazed

(comment on this)

6:56 pm - Ideal Roomate Situation
So I was sitting around pondering existence the other day, and I realized that in MY case, the best roommate situations I've ever had have involved vegans, because they can usually get along with my habit of eating bread, lettuce, french fries, mayonaise, tomatoes and Diet Coke.

And I'm glad they don't want to eat me.

current mood: Hot from the fucking heatlamp

(3 comments | comment on this)

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